oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So much Jack, so little girl.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
