hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
