a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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