I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
