yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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