I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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