something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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