I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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