she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My vagina just clenched in fear
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