also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the day after is always just damage control
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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