Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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