I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
