vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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