Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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