Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
