You don't have asthma, your pregnant
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
