i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
