I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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