i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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