Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
