Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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