I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize