ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
