Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize