Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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