it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
