I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
