New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
