bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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