He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
