put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
