Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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