I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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