I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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