I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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