Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
