Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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