Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize