She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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