Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
