I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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