Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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