his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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