Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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