I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
