Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
