I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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