I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
