what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
