So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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