Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
