ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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