but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
