actually, I'm a sock model
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
