so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
