my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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