I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
