So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Houston, we have a squirter
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
