would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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