Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
