for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
