i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
