And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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