Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
