I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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