I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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