My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
