i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
