dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
