I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
