That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
