So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
