i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize