some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
