feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize