This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
