I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize